Life Lesson From a 2-Year Old

When I take the time to stop and reflect about my day it doesn’t take much time to get to one simple but profound point. I got to hold my daughter’s hand and it was the best thing that happened to me all day. It wasn’t the first time this has happened, and hopefully it won’t be the last, but it was immensely meaningful.

One reason this little moment meant to much is because my daughter, Amina, has been heavily favoring her mother more and more recently. Deep down I know this is just a stage and says nothing about how good of a father I am or how much (or little) I can make Amina laugh. She doesn’t choose my wife over me because I show my love less or I don’t try enough or any other reason I can create in my head. Right now, Amina is just going through a phase in which mom is the best and that’s ok.

But today was a special day because I got to take Amina to the zoo here in Birmingham all by myself. Again, this is something I’ve done before, and will hopefully do many more times, but it meant a lot to have time with just her and me. The zoo has quickly become Amina’s favorite place to spend any amount of time and she lets you know by squealing multiple times after you mention the plan for the day including the zoo. She also proceeds to explain in her own 2-year old communication that she is excited about riding the train and the carousel, specifically the cheetah as you ride the tiger, and lastly how she wants to see the butterflies as she flaps her arms like she can fly herself. All of this in the few moments after you just said “zoo” to her.

We spent some time packing up some snacks and getting dressed all the while Amina continued her desire to leave quicker than what we were and letting me know she was ready to, “go, go.” Looking back, I can feel myself going through the motions of the morning as my mind slowly began to wake up. Did I have her water? Should I bring anything else for her to eat? What shoes should she wear? Am I going to feel like adding the splash pad into our zoo trip today? I honestly don’t remember looking at her much while I went through all the questions and tried my best to get us both fed, clothed and out the door in time for the 9am zoo opening.

My somewhat mindless living continued in the car on the way to the zoo. I did pay a little more attention as I buckled Amina into her car seat and made sure she was safe but the drive seems like a blur until we pulled into our parking spot and get our stuff together to head inside.  As we walked up to the front Amina continued the high-pitched sounds and explaining of how she wanted the trip to go. I can remember shouts of “TRAIN, TRAIN,” over and over. The Train has become our first stop at every zoo trip since moving to Birmingham.

What Kristina and I have quickly noticed is that on the train at the Birmingham Zoo is one of the moments Amina comes most alive. Her smile, life, scream and wave all seem to be on another level on this train ride. Every time. Every trip. Without fail. She grins from ear to ear and waves at every person we pass. Today she even waved at plants and empty animal exhibits all while shouting “Hi, Hi.”

I want to explain all of that to give a clear picture of my beautiful daughter living every moment fully and with so much life and me as a father struggling to fully engage into what she is doing. I don’t say that in a way to make me sound like a bad father. I do truly believe I love Amina well and I try hard to make sure she feels seen and delighted in but I know I am far from perfect. My point in mentioning my struggle to be present to such a sight as my daughter at the zoo is to wonder aloud as to what keeps us so distracted. What could be happening in my world that would pull my attention away from a little girl? And if she can’t keep more of my attention, what else can I be overlooking that is less important or entertaining?

This is far from the first lesson my daughter has taught me in her short 2 years of life. The lesson is about being present. If I plan on living a life where I am not very present, I should plan on missing out on some of life’s sweetest moments. What is funny is that for most of my life I have had a palpable fear of death. The thought of death and what will happen when I die is terrifying at times for me to even imagine. But the sad truth is that I have spent a vast majority of my life being less than alive because I’ve numbed myself emotionally or I have checked out and decided to not be present. What my daughter reminded me of today was to both move towards experiencing the little moments with more life like she does but also be more present to all of life.

I can’t even venture to say how much joy and goodness some of life’s little moments hold because I am rarely present enough to taste that for myself. I would have to go back to my childhood to remember living freely enough to really enjoy life fully and freely. That would be except for the moment on the zoo train today when my little girl asked to hold my hand and even grabbed my hand and made me hold her hand.

In the short time we had sitting on that train today I decided to be more alive and be more present like my daughter. I waved and laughed and I watched her. I made sure she felt seen and heard. I made sure she felt my presence. When she asked to hold my hand, I made sure to make sure it felt intentional and not just an afterthought or another thing I did going through the motion with. I even grabbed her hand and wove her fingers through mine. I decided I really wanted to hold hands with her and not just have her hold a finger of mine.

I have no doubt that this single moment won’t last compared to so many other memories Amina will have in her life. I do hope however that I remember. She won’t always want to go to the zoo, she won’t always want to hold my hand, she won’t always need me. But she does need me to be more present.  She deserves a father who makes his presence felt in her life and a father who makes sure she feels seen and enjoyed. She deserves a father that responds to her desires and needs and everything in between. She deserves a father who responds to her presence and all that she brings with her. The late Toni Morrison quote comes to mind that says, “When a child walks in the room, your child or anybody else’s child, do your eyes light up? That’s what they’re looking for.” I hope I live enough and present enough to give her that.